Line Break is available at: www.subterrain.ca/linebreak
Read Marketing For Dummies and then set it on fire because you are no dummy! You are a master of marketing. There are suits for that. No, not the kind you’re thinking of with their sleek lines and pockets made for patterned squares and neat hems. No. Like a superhero. That’s what you could be. Walk past the suit place, the boring one with the greys and blacks and maybe a deep red, like wine or blood, but not past the custom-tailoring place. Get your whole self measured. Did you forget to bring in your custom design for a tight bodysuit + accessories costume? I sure hope not. Because the fine tailor is going to outfit you in the colours and style of your choice. Body-hugging. It must be so. And your logo, put it on there. It could be a rocket ship or a tree in full bloom or a dog barfing. It doesn’t matter. That must be featured, emblazoned across your chest. And another thing: do you have a penis? Then brand it. With a branding iron. No one will see it underneath your spandex, but do it anyway. It will be worth it because branding is what you’re all about. Do you have a vagina? Don’t brand it. But do brand a single breast or inner thigh. Logos on or near sex organs is the most efficient way to let your clients know that sex sells and that you will sell their things. Do you believe in this plan? Do you believe in your sidekick, who you don’t quite appreciate enough? Do you believe in your ability to jump from tall buildings and punch bad guys with full force across a city block? Do you believe in your secret headquarters? Do you believe in powers? Do you believe that a car can change a life? Do you believe in love after a delicious glass of pulpy orange juice? Do you believe in this new super marketing hero persona? It should be deep inside you. Develop it. Develop. Do you believe? Because if you can’t sell yourself then you can’t sell anything.
From Line Break: the subTerrain blog of art & poetry, www.subterrain.ca/linebreak
*A critique of “Marketing Tips” is forthcoming from Daniel Zomparelli June 16th on Line Break. Look for his response – and check out more poetry, art and criticism – at www.subterrain.ca/linebreak