301 Moved Permanently

301 Moved Permanently


nginx

Bear Safety

BEARS COULD BE ANYWHERE

On the subway at rush hour. 
Between couch cushions. 
In the drawer with dull pencils 
and batteries and nothing 
you need. In the eavestrough. 
On a soccer field 
during a lightning storm. 
In the pocket of your dirty jeans, 
your unlaced sneakers. 
Run a hand under the sheets 
before bedtime. Bears prefer to sleep 
on Egyptian cotton. 
They can usually tell if it’s cheap.

BEARS STARTLE EASILY

In conditions of hampered visibility, 
braid willow in your hair. 
Floss with alder. Line your eyelids 
with nightshade. Sing jazz standards 
in the key of C or D-flat major. 
If you must tell a bear 
about your hysterectomy, 
your son’s defection from the military 
academy, speak quietly 
but with conviction. 
Never let them smell your Ativan.

KEEP YOUR CAMPSITE CLEAN

Bundles of unattended clothing
invite curious bears.
The wilderness is not a thrift store
parking lot. A grizzly in floral skirts
and pearls is not just “going through a phase.”
Individuals are often spotted near high school
proms and costume departments.
Their fur may start to thin.
They may become dependent on polyester.
Eventually, such bears must be destroyed.

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